John's Random Thoughts and Ideas

Between and Betwixt

I am at a critical point in my understanding of the "sandwich generation". You know, taking care of your parents while you still have kids who need you. In 4 and a half hours I will arrive at the vortex of this part of my life. My youngest will take his first "official" drink for his 21st birthday in Vegas while I am with my Dad for his first night alone at a fully assisted living facilty in Hawaii. Because of the time differences not to mention the genertaional ones :), these moments will happen simultaneously! I am feeling accomplished and aged all at once. A mix of melancholy and maturity. A fusion of parent and child. Benjamin Button and 2001 Space Odyssey. But all in all grateful to be here for both and to be able to support both. Learning to let go and to care again. Embracing being needed and not needed at all. Let's hope all of us sleep well and awaken refreshed. Ready for our new roles between and betwixt.

Where I am From

Was asked to submit this essay for API American Heritage Month:

 

I am from the beginning of time and the end of the earth

I am from the 50's and a December birth

I am from Tomiko and Yoshimi

I am from rice and sashimi

I am from an accountant and an artist

I am from the fields of Cienega and Salinas

I am from San Jose and LA

I am from yesterday and today

I am from my children and my wife

I am from a socially conscious life

I am from an immigrant's hope and an American dream

I am from okazu and green tea ice cream

I am from a yellow face and an Asian race

I am from boulder creeks and oak tree forts

I am from running track and basketball courts

I am from the Issei, the Nisei, and the Sansei

I am from mentoring, luck and generosity

I am from farming root and urban wing

I am from nothing and from everything

Positively Blind

Why give people good news when you can scare them ? :) I am sitting in my optometrist's exam room feeling guilty, knowing I have not been there for 18 months. I know my corrected vision is incorrect. I can hear him say as he has said many times, "your vision is declining right on schedule." So I know my eyesight is worse. I take the eye chart test and I cannot read the lower lines. I try to fake it but know I got one or two letters wrong. The doc comes in and  he starts testing my eyes with different lenses (if you wear glasses you know the routine). After dozens of  sets of reading and distance lenses are evaluated, he says "Big changes in your vision". "Any changes in your medical condition?", he calmly inquires. I panic inside. Yeah, (I say to myself) I'm getting old and everything hurts.....  I quickly answer "No". He continues, "Yes both your reading and distance vision have changed quite a bit." I know. Age again extracts its toll! I jokingly ask, "You mean my eyesight has improved?!" He looks at me and says dead pan, "Yes, it looks like they have returned to your vision of three and a half years ago, according to your charts." Not a smile on his face. Great bedside manner! Way to deliver the good news paperboy! He goes on, "Sometimes that happens." I wanted to feel good, but his demeanor turned a positive moment into dread and negative nothingness. I wanted to give HIM a new set of lenses and possibly see if the Tin Man needed to see the Wizard again. I took off my glasses and I saw him clearly for the first time, and the last time. 

A Mom's Definition of Philanthropy--Hugs Count!

I just got this message from my mother after she read my latest post. And my response. 

Dear JOHN

WHEN I FULLY REALIZED WE ALL HAVE THE SAME 24 HOURS A DAY.
IT IS FASCINATING HOW WE SQUANDER OUR LIFE.

I FEEL LIKE A BILLIONAIRE. I CAN GIVE OUT KINDHEARTEDNESS
IN GREAT AMOUNTS HERE AT POHAI NANI. AND I DEEPLY HOPE
IT CHEERS SOMEONE. SOMETIMES I HUG SOMEONE WHO I THINK
DOES NOT GET HUGS AND GUESS WHAT, I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE
HUGGED ME BACK. IT DOESN'T ALWAYS NEED TO BE MONEY
YOU GIVE AWAY. CAN THAT BE PHILANTHROPY IN A WARM
HUMAN WAY?

I LOVED THE ARTICLE, YOUR WRITINGS ALWAYS MAKE YOU
THINK WORLDLY. THANK YOU SON.

YOUR SIMPLE MINDED MOM.

Mom

I truly wish I was as "simple minded" as you! I make things too complicated. I over analyze. We need greater simplicity.

I try to be as generous as you (wait don't react yet). You give yourself away in every moment. In every hug (yes hugs count!)

I love that you love what I am writing. Virtual hug to you! Love, your complex minded son. John

Too much passion?

How passion can destroy a start-up. I agree too much of a good thing can be dangerous. Passion overdose blinds. But a passionless life is the most dangeerous. This article points out the dangers, but also provides the gaps that can be filled. Not surprising--Networking is one of the top gaps. Recipe for success: Big helping of passion, diverse skills and advisors, and networking. Voila!

The crucial difference between empathy and sympathy

The lifestyle of mentoring and networking depends on an authentic connection with others. Not saying the "right" things but feeling what others feel. I love the advice here that, "rarely does an empathic response begin with "at least'..."

a Brand new perspective

Fresh and funny. Crazy yet compelling. Facetious but frighteningly true.  My favorite quote: "If we can engage that feeling instead of some moment of lachrymose sentimentality trotted out on the tv for people to pour over emotional porn and why not change things, why wouldn't we, why is that naive?"

Our Compassion Deficit

Rabbi David Wolpe's column in the LA Times today makes many great points about how the wealthy are increasingly disconnected from the realities of the needs in our society. Michael Sandel's book What Money Can't Buy provides an even better framework for this argument. But we all suffer from this indifference.  Among Wolpe's many good arguments is this:

"We all know, deep down, that most of what we have is a product of good fortune. No matter how hard we work, we did not earn our functioning brains or the families into which we were born. We didn't choose being born into an era, or a nation, that allowed our talents to develop. We ride in cars and live in homes we did not build, are warmed by heating and cooled by air conditioning we did not invent, live in cities others created for us organized by a government and protected by a military shaped by our predecessors. Yet we still point to our accomplishments and proudly proclaim, "I did this!"

The thought that we deserve everything we have AND others don't because they are not worthy is when our deficit becomes blindness.

Reunions and Alumni Networking

It is that season to reconnect with old college or high school buddies. Great opportunity to help and be helped.

Here's my post:

 http://www.swiveltime.com/2010/05/alumni-networking.html

One of my readers sent me this great link with advice:   http://www.onlinecollege.org/2013/04/17/college-in-common-how-to-maximize-the-potential-of-your-alumni-network/

 Always easier to network on common grounds. John

 

How a baby unlearns

Got this from a reader (medical doctor) of my recent post....

"The concept of unlearning should not be something un-natural if we remember that as infants we all first learned to grasp an object and only later learned to release an object. Just substitute the word “idea” for the word “object” and you have the new paradigm."